I’m sitting here with Arthur, who I believe has a very interesting story to share with you. Arthur, would you be kind enough to describe your original problem? Well, my original problem, it started back in third grade and I was totally socially phobic. I didn’t want to have anything to do with anybody. I wanted, I was afraid of all social interactions and I just felt like I wanted to hide from everyone. I didn’t, I, you know, setting records for absences and schools and I, you know, I was afraid to go into the schools because I really didn’t want to be near anybody. I was worried about what the people around me were thinking and I was, you know, worried about it. Then if I would be absent, I would be worried about when I came back into school and I was just, I was just worried about everything having to do with other people and what they were thinking about me and, and you know, how, how I was being perceived by others and I was so in my head and I just let it control my life to the point where I would hide in my house and not go to school. What, what else was going on with you? You weren’t going to school. Were you experiencing, was this just in your head? Were you experiencing any physical symptoms? I was having panic attacks. I, I felt like, you know, my heart would race and, and, you know, my hands would be sweaty all the time and I would just feel, I would have this overall sense of nervousness and impending doom all the time, just, just permeating all through me all the time. Just, just the thought of going to school would give me, you know, the clammy hands and, and
and, you know, just that nervous feeling that just overcomes me. What was your life like? So you weren’t going to school. What were you doing? I was staying at home and just playing games by myself and, you know, I spent a lot of time in my room and, you know, I was just hiding from everything. You know, I spent a lot of time by myself. You know, I used a little later on. I ended up using the computers a little, but, you know, it’s basically all by myself doing, you know, singular activities. Did you have any friends? I really didn’t have many friends back then. You know, I had some friends through my relatives, but other than that, I, you know, when I was really young, I had friends out on the block, but I kind of shied away from them, you know, as I got deeper and deeper in this, all these feelings just started to overcome me more.
I really didn’t have that many friends. So, so you didn’t go to school. You had no friends. You were hanging out in your room. What kind of mood were you having? I was totally depressed. I mean, it’s lonely. I mean, I felt like I was all alone in the world. And I felt like I was always going to be this way. I felt like there was never going to be any escape from this. It seemed like I felt like I was in an abyss. Like, and there’s like, you know, somebody said, Oh, you know, if somebody said to me, Oh, it’ll get better later on. I was like, it’s not going to get better. You know, I’m just going to, you know, I’m going to be this way for the rest of my life. And it sucks. And you were how old when you were saying that to yourself? Oh, what third grade, fourth grade? How old is that? I don’t even know how old that was. However old I was. I remember third, fourth grade. What were your parents? What was your parents reaction to this? My parents didn’t know what to do. They kind of, they were on different pages. The one one my mom wanted to, you know, not force me in. She didn’t want to cause me any anxiety. So she would, I guess, enable me or whatever and just kind of let me, you know, go with the problem. My dad wanted to throw me in, but they both, both of them did had no clue what to do.
They just felt helpless themselves. He is their kid. They want to help their kid out. And he, you know, we don’t know what to do. You know, they would have done, you know, if somebody said, Oh, this is the solution, they would have did it. But they had no clue how to, you know, deal with this problem. But if I remember correctly, you didn’t want to have much to do with therapy yourself. So somehow they did facilitate it, I think. Oh, so yes, I believe me. That was just another thing that was going to cause me anxiety. You know, I did not want to have anything to do with a therapist because then or anything, anybody who was going to push me towards the thing I feared, I didn’t want to have anything to do with. And I’m sure, you know, any therapist would be looking out for my best interests. But you know, I didn’t care. I was to the fear and anxiety was too overwhelming for me to, you know, take any steps. I was completely and utterly overcome.
Where would you say you’re at now? Right now, I’m totally cured. You know, I’m totally, I feel, you know, great about myself. I’m happy with my life. And you know, I don’t have the anxieties. I’m a complete opposite. I’m like the social butterfly type now. You know, I, it went from one extreme to the complete other extreme. It’s just amazing. Can you tell the people who are listening to this program, because you do have an extraordinary story and you went from a very, very pervasively debilitating problem and you didn’t even want to get help. And you really are a gregarious, outgoing person. And you’ve kept this success going on for boy, it’s been 16, 17 years since I worked with you. How did you do it, Arthur? I, I got a hold of, you know, my anxieties and that I was able to get control and get control of them and not, you know, let them control me. I went to some social groups. And you know, I, you know, the biggest thing that happened to me was, you know, entering into therapy with you and, and you know, being exposed to a lot of different things and, you know, going on TV and all of these other things helped out so much. I felt so much more confident when I was able to get through all of the anxieties I had. I just felt like such a a person again. One of the real important things is here you are and you are all better and you resolved the problem without medicine. How did you do that? Well, first of all,
I did take medicine and it didn’t work. You know, I was originally, they had me on antidepressants for a while and that didn’t do it for me. And you know, I’m so glad that I was a, I got taken off the medicine and was able to do it without that. I felt it was, I doing the biofeedback and, and being, being just put in social situations, you know, being in groups and doing the therapy and doing all of these things in combination. You know, I, I felt like really helped me, you know, to get to where I am now. One of the critical, the most critical issues is I would imagine that way back then it’s been a long time since we were working, but when you weren’t going to school and when you were not socializing and when you were controlled by panic and depression and all those things, you were controlled negatively by the issues of experiencing embarrassment and fear of rejection and humiliation. How did you change your headset?
I, I am, I feel more confident in myself and I feel more, you know, I believe more in what I think and it doesn’t necessarily, you know, matter as much what other people think. All I used to care about is what other people thought of me. That was my whole self image. And now I care more about what I think of me than what other people think of me. And, you know, just basic tools wise, you know, biofeedback and, and just exposure, being in the social situations where, you know, where I I was nervous. Okay, but I got to bust your chops for a minute here because, you know, we talk about just exposure and it’s so hard for people with social anxiety to just expose themselves. You were able to expose yourself and somehow you shifted your mindset about dealing with the emotion of possible rejection and embarrassment. Any insights for the people who are listening as to how you did that internally. Sometimes I really don’t even understand how it happened. I mean, internally, I just go more from, for me, it’s just believing more in what I feel and because my anxiety was all coming from where what other people thought of me. It only mattered what other people thought of me. You know, having just having positive experiences and being putting myself in the social situations, even though I had anxiety going into the situation to do it anyway. You know, sometimes it did not work out perfect all the time. It took me a while to, you know, get cured. It
wasn’t like, Oh, bang overnight, I was cured. It took some work to do it. You know, I’m not gonna lie. But you know, keep going back and going into those situations again, you know, and not letting that bring me down to the bring me down to the point where I wouldn’t do it again. It brought me down if things didn’t go right, but not letting it stop me, you know, and in my tracks where I wouldn’t go back again, where I could get the positive, at least partially a positive experience that I needed in that feedback to make it easier to go back again. If you had one piece of advice for people who experienced social anxiety, social phobia, or for the parents who are the kids who have, what would that one piece be? One piece of advice. Boy, probably it would be to just keep going at it and that you have to believe that, you know, there is this place inside of you that is, that is worthy and you just have to put yourselves in the situation where it can come out and not to get discouraged. And as far as the piece of advice for the parents, you know, don’t, if your kid doesn’t want to get help, you know, I went into it kicking and screaming, just get to do it anyway, you know, and I remember something you had told me that stuck really, really good. And you said it to my, actually you said it to my parents was that they should have a united front, you know, towards me, like, and they should, like one, because my mom always was
just like, oh, let’s coddle, my dad was like, throw him in. But when they started getting more of a united front, things went a lot better too. Well, thank you for sharing. I think that it’s a marvelous story from school phobic to PhD, all but dissertation, you have come a long way. And for the people who are listening to this, I will say that if you have any interest in seeing the whole picture, this Arthur and other people were, as he mentioned, on a number of television shows, the primary one of which was the Sally Raphael show, which was number 118-9, which took place on December 21, 1988. And if you contact multimedia entertainment, you can get that film. So I just wanted to say one more thing. You mentioned the TV show again, that was one of the best experiences of my life. And I had such a great time on that show. And after being on that show, you know, I could say that’s a wow, you know, look where I came from. I know I’m totally cured now. From hiding out to national TV, Arthur, thanks a million for sharing. Thanks.
