And the whole thing escalated and it became this bullying issue, just like people are talking about now. And I think it changed his whole personality. Elaborate for a moment, please. Well, he was a laughing, fun-loving kid. And all of a sudden he became internalized and he had some issues. And I did take him to a psychiatrist who was doing some work on him and said that he needed some major personality. He needed a new personality. Was the psychiatrist going to teach him how to have a new personality? Yeah, I have no idea. I have no idea how he was planning on doing that.
And then as time went on, he was becoming introverted. And he had major issues with socialization and things bothered him. And he didn’t want to talk about what was going on in school. And then finally he told me that he was finally in junior high, late junior high, must have been like eighth grade, that people were picking on him and making fun of him. And they always had. And they stuck him on the bus and stuck pens in him. And people were bullying him and told him he had buck teeth and he had this. And so I rushed and had braces put on him, trying to get him so that he felt like everybody else and comfortable.
And I didn’t know to what degree, but evidently the bullying was just terrible. Now, your son is how old currently? 35. Okay, he’s 35. Yeah. And we know he’s a smart guy. He has a master’s in psychology. Yes. But the problem is still there in a profound sense at age 35. What do you see at this age? Well, we work on it on a daily basis. I try and work with him with communication and try and work with him that things that bother him don’t matter, that people are not talking about him. People are not thinking about him. People go around about their lives and do their thing, and really they’re not concerned about him or think about him in any shape or form. But he thinks that the whole world, you know, those same people are thinking about him on a daily basis and, you know, want to get to him.
Okay, so what you’re talking about is there is a thin line between social anxiety and paranoia. Yes, there is. Okay, and he’s got some of that, and he’s also got some substantial obsessive and compulsive symptoms. Now, one of the key things that I would like to discuss with you, as a loving mother during this period of growth and development and evolving into adulthood, your son became quite dependent on you. Would you please describe the process of him becoming dependent and where you’re at now with this and what you’re trying to do? When he became dependent was probably a long process. It was probably happening on a daily basis, and I didn’t see it. You know, he would come to me for answers for everything, and I would try to, you know, soothe and comfort him and take care of, you know, give him all the answers and take care of everything, and then it just became our way of life, my way of life of taking care and managing.
At this juncture and for the last few years, I’m trying to make him, you know, independent, and actually with your help, without Mitchell being on the phone, you and I, you made me the quarterback, and to get, you know, to help him over some of this stuff, which I’ve really seen a great, you know, a lot of movement in that area. He does a lot of things by himself. He doesn’t ask for my opinion. He really goes and just does it, and, you know, it’s a constant battle. When we try or you try to get Mitchell to think about something, to activate his thoughts or identify feelings as something that’s hard for him to do, and he gets angry because we want him to think, how does that affect you?
I’m pretty happy about it. I feel that this is the right thing. You know, he’s always, the night before a phone conversation with you, he always says, now, what are we going to talk about? And I said, you. You know, you’re going to do the talking. Well, I’m going to tell him, you know, what happened with certain situations, and we’re going to see how he, you know, how he handles it. And then he goes, you know, Mitchell goes, okay, you know. He resigns himself to it that he’s going to be caught up in it. Give one example now of his over-dependence that is really frustrating for you. His over-dependence. When he wants to know what’s happening for dinner, what the schedule is for the day, where he’s going to be, you know, how am I, in other words, how am I going to be taken care of, you know?
Which is usually a result revolving around dinner. Restructuring this over-dependence, you trying to empower versus enable, has been a tough ball game. What has been the toughest thing for you about restructuring this? I would probably say the frustration on Mitchell’s part. You know, trying to do this and seeing that it’s frustrating to him. And I know it’s a long road. I know we’ve got a lot to do and a lot of work. And, you know, I’m trying to make it easy for him and easy for me. I don’t want him to be, you know, dependent on me. I would like to have a life. And I want to make sure that he – and I know he can do it.
I know he can get out and be on his own and do his own thing. It’s just – we’ve got a long way to go. Where do you see – just one or two more questions. Where do you see – he’s 35, we said he’s intelligent. Yes. But we know there’s a difference between intellectual, social, and emotional intelligence. Where do you see Mitchell going? I really would like to see him at some point in his own place and having to answer to himself, you know, go grocery shopping for himself, know what he needs to have for dinner. I mean, he does all these things and we talk about all these things, but I’ve never let him – you know, he’s never had the opportunity, I should say, to go and do it and whatever.
He feels that he’s in school and, you know, he’s financially not independent. And he’d like to be at that point so that he can pay for things. He doesn’t want me to pay for an apartment. And I’m looking forward to that opportunity. And I think the sooner the better. Do you believe that – I mean, we just, you know, talked about him going on a date and, you know, socializing has been an ongoing theme in our discussions. What are your real thoughts, your real thoughts, Mom, about what’s going to be with him socializing or not? I’m hopeful that – I don’t know if it’s going to come from him. I’m hopeful that there’s going to be maybe this girl who’s a very nurturing kind of person, that perhaps she will, you know, be somebody nice for him to be with or that somebody in an apartment facility will, you know, look at him and say, gee, he’s such a nice person and want to be with him.
You know, I’m hopeful. Do you think that Matt – well, I’ll edit this, don’t worry. Do you think that Mitchell will ever have a decent male friend outside of the family? Male? Male. That might be unlikely. Just why do you say that? I think because those people who antagonized him and who bullied him and gave him such a hard time were all males. And because of his, you know, his relationship with his – he had a father who was a very, you know, strong personality. And I think just a male – I think a female for him is really a much more realistic life for him to have like a one person. Shirley, thank you very much for sharing. My pleasure.
