I’m on the phone with Michael who I very much appreciate sharing with us. Michael, could you explain to the listeners what you were experiencing when you first contacted me? Sure. I was having a real problem speaking in professional settings at work. There were few reasons for me to speak publicly outside of work. I was really focused on my job and it was creating a real problem. It got to the point where I was not doing the things that I was supposed to be doing. I felt like if I let this continue that there could be serious problems at work.
I decided to call you. What were the things you were not doing that you were avoiding I think you’re saying? Well, yeah, that’s exactly what I was doing. I was avoiding. Part of my responsibility is to sell the services that we provide. To do that, I have to get in front of clients. I was avoiding that. There’s just no way I could have been successful doing my job. If I didn’t get out there in front of groups of people and let them know what we could do for them. Okay, so let’s say that you have this business meeting or a situation where you have to present. How did you avoid it? How did you get out of it? Fortunately for me, the company is small and fairly high up on the food chain and was able to manipulate meetings to some extent.
Some I couldn’t avoid and I had to go. And quite frankly, some of them I actually had a real problem performing. But I was able to sometimes switch personal meetings into conference calls, which helped things like that that helped me avoid the problem. So you became proficient, correct me if I’m wrong, at manipulating to avoid the source of your anxiety? Yes, absolutely. And how long was this going on? This was going on. I’ve had a problem with public speaking for on and off for a long time. This particular set of circumstances were going on for about six months, eight months, something like that.
Could you describe the anxiety itself that you were experiencing? The symptoms? Yes. The most bothering symptom for me was the fact that when I would speak, my voice would quiver and shake. And it would be really obvious that I was nervous and that really made me feel bad personally. I always felt really disappointed in myself after an experience like that. So it was mostly the quivering of the voice. I don’t think that I had it. I was unaware of any other symptoms. Overall, with this anxiety and avoidance, how was this impacting your life?
Well, at the moment, I’m doing much better at the time. yes. At the time. Well, at the time, I was really pretty miserable. I knew that I was not doing what I was supposed to be doing at work. There was always this gray cloud over my head that, oh, I’m going to get this call. I have to go to a meeting. I have to give a presentation. And it’s just going to be bad. And day-to-day worrying about that was just really kind of depressing. So let’s say it’s Monday at the beginning of the week and you knew past tense here. You knew that you had a presentation on Friday. What would go on for you during the week? It could be a very taxing week. What would happen typically is that three to four days before speaking engagement, I would probably be okay.
It’s the day or two before when all the anxiety would start to kick in. And it would be so bad that on the night before speaking engagement, I probably wouldn’t be able to get the sleep. I would be worried about it. I would be running through scenarios in my mind and I just wouldn’t be able to let it go. And I just would end up staying up all night and out of fear basically. Okay. Now, what would you say percentage wise? You have accomplished how much of the performance anxiety, public speaking problem, have you resolved to this point?
I would say that I’ve resolved a significant part of the problem. If I had to quantify it, say something around 90%, I know that I still have things to work on. But I don’t have the great cloud over my head. I’m not worried about it. Like I used to be, I don’t stay up at night when I have a speaking engagement the next day. While I still have things to work on, it doesn’t have the negative impact on my life that it used to. Well, 90% is a huge number. Could you? And here comes the key question. A lot of people who have public speaking anxiety really don’t believe that what they experience can be resolved. Now, obviously you did work with me, but in your own words, can you describe how you resolve the problem?
Yes. Basically, for me, this is specific to me. There were three components to my recovery. The first is understanding the problem. And what I mean by that is that, you know, after discussing this with you, I came to the realization that this is nothing more than what you call the physiology of performance, just an adrenaline surge, which is something that’s perfectly natural. This is not a personal defect of mine. So coming to that realization was very helpful. That kind of took a lot of the burden off of my problem or associated with my problem. And the second component is the holistic approach to managing anxiety that we’ve taken.
And what I mean by that is exposing myself to the fear, which is a well-known tactic, going to Toastmasters and then forcing myself in work situations to engage in speaking opportunity, however small, and to start to address some of the self-esteem issues, like managing my critical scripting and just be more accepting of myself. And then to feed into this, the holistic approach would be a more balanced lifestyle. You know, you’d help me learn how to engage in more social activities, kind of achieve a work-life balance that I didn’t have before. Okay, well, when you would, can you explain when you had a presentation and you knew that your adrenaline would be flowing, what was your game plan? What was your therapeutic game plan?
Were you conscious of technique that you wanted to do? That’s an interesting question. I was, and I did have techniques to address that, and I think they were helpful for me personally. The techniques were just that. They were a tactic. And, you know, they have their purpose. I think my biggest improvements came from the more strategic approach of addressing all the things that I just mentioned. But tactically speaking, I would convince my, I would reinforce that, you know, hey, this is okay. This is a perfectly normal reaction. It’s not a personal defect. Just take it slow and easy, and you’ll be okay. What you’re saying is that the technique that you were doing is you were accepting the adrenaline.
And the other thing that you’re saying, which I want to clarify to the listeners, is that when you first started to work with me, you believed that your problem was, quote, a character disorder. And that was, those were your words. Yes. And that’s symptomatic of a lot of confusion, because then you understood it simply as you also mentioned as the physiology of performance. And when you got that educational piece down, you were very much on your way. True, did I say that right? Yeah, that’s exactly right. And, but on my way meant, you know, addressing some of the other things that we talked about, like, you know, exposing myself to the fear, working on my critical scripting. You know, and another thing that I want to mention is that I came to the realization that using alcohol as a crutch to manage my day-to-day stress and anxiety was really a self-defeating exercise.
And what I’m not saying is that I would use alcohol before a public speaking engagement. I never did that. But what I did was, you know, drink regularly in the evening to just kind of unwind from the day and try to manage my stress. And that had a really negative impact on my self-esteem. And I think it fed into my critical scripting. And, you know, not to mention what it did to my brain chemistry. Obviously, alcohol is a preface. And when I eliminated that routine from my lifestyle, it had a really big impact. So, again, you know, the tactics are important and you need to have that in your toolbox. But for me, it was the overarching approach that included many of the things that I’ve just talked about.
So, putting the whole package together is what really worked for me. Excellent. One last question. Now that you have basically resolved the performance anxiety, how is your life different? Well, it’s… There’s a lot less to worry about. Yeah, I mean, I don’t worry about that phone call. But when someone tells me I have a speaking engagement, you know, and that used to just create such a… Just like this feeling of despair that, you know, I mean, I don’t have to live with that anymore. And it’s nice. It’s liberating. So I feel much better. Michael, thank you very much for your words of wisdom and your sharing. You’re welcome.
