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A collection of questions and sharing by our readership community about a wide variety of aspects of social anxiety. Dive in and receive practical insights and advice.

QUESTION BY:

Anonymous

I Am Angry About a Decision That I Made and Am Racked With Fear and Anxiety. Why Can I Let It Go?

  • I have just made a decision and now regret it. I had a small amout of time to look over my options but now I see that I could have choosen better, if I taken an extra second and looked at the avialable facts more closely. This choice will effect me for the next 6 months and I am really angry. I am angry at myself for not giving myself every opprotunity to make a good decision and I am angry at work for bieng so pushy about an answer. Then fact is that as I write I realize that I had all the time I needed. The conditions for decision making where not ideal. However I  allowed myself to feel like I had to make the decison right then. Had I choosen, I could of said “I will get back with you after I look over a few things first”. I allow myself to feel rushed. How do I accept being angry at myself? I am trying paradoxial thinking and Nuturing parent but this is all new to me. My Critical Parent is screaming you are a Moron and just made your next 6 months at work Hell. All because you couldnt take the time to look at a few little things. I have made bad decisions before sometimes I find my peace with them and other times I go over and over them, making myslef sick day after day. I dont want to do that this time if I have a choice.

Jonathan Responds:

  • You obviouly have a command of the clinical terms that I use; very good! The inability to “let go” is an obsession. Be clear that there are two types of worry. Worry for the sake of worrying ,which many people believe, sadly, is control, and worry which is channeled into productive and problem solving energy. The key to resolving the obsessing is to resolve the recycling anger and rage. In addition it is important to consider the “problem solving methodology” and use of the “adult” mind state. On a deeper level, people who do not let go of the “beating themselves up” dynamic may need to consider the ramifications of masochism.
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