A collection of questions and sharing by our readership community about a wide variety of aspects of social anxiety. Dive in and receive practical insights and advice.
QUESTION BY:
Anonymous
Teen With Selective Mutism
I am an enabling parent, and I don’t know how to stop.
My teenage daughter is 17 and struggles with social anxiety and selective mutism. Beyond the obvious advice of “don’t answer for her,” I’m unsure how to encourage her to speak and face situations she wants to avoid.
I tell her to do things, but when she doesn’t, I end up doing them for her. I know I need to stop enabling her, but I’m afraid she’ll retreat even further and become content avoiding everything. Should I push her or try to force her? I’ve read that pressuring someone with selective mutism can actually make things worse.
She already shows signs of avoidant personality traits and tends to cope with stress by emotionally detaching. She even says she wants to live alone with her pets and avoid people altogether.
How can I help her as a parent without making things worse?
Jonathan Responds:
You definitely do not try to “force her”. You want to learn a method of teaching her that she has to get out of her comfort zone (which is a multi-dimensional process).You need to invest in what you (as the caregiver) can do to change in terms of empowering vs. enabling. This will require you to manage your own emotions and anxiety. Visit our Selective Mutism page under Area of Concern on the top menu. Listen carefully to the interview “Teen Selective Mutism”. This interview tells the whole story.
