A collection of questions and sharing by our readership community about a wide variety of aspects of social anxiety. Dive in and receive practical insights and advice.
QUESTION BY:
Anonymous
Twins With Selective Mutism
I have identical 5 year old twin boys. Around age 3 I started noticing them becoming very shy and scared in social atmospheres. They went through one year of preschool without saying a word to teacher or classmates. Both were diagnosed last year with Selective Mutism. They started kindergarten in Sept 2010. We decided to put them in separate classes, thinking they were “feeding off” each other. Ethan has made great progress the last couple months. He has started to talk to teachers and classmates, and participates in school activities. Evan, however, has not yet said a word in school. I feel like there has to be something we can do to help him, but I dont know where to turn. The school is offering little help in providing or suggesting a plan of action. I dont want Evan to fall behind in school because of his social phobia. It saddens me that he is like this because I feel like he is missing out on so much fun. I dont know what to do, I dont know how to help him. Any advice would be appreciated.I have identical 5-year-old twin boys. Around age 3, I started noticing that they were becoming very shy and fearful in social settings. They went through one year of preschool without saying a word to their teacher or classmates. Last year, both were diagnosed with Selective Mutism.
They started kindergarten in September 2010. We decided to place them in separate classes, thinking they might have been “feeding off” each other’s anxiety. Ethan has made great progress over the last couple of months—he’s begun talking to his teachers and classmates and is participating in school activities.
Evan, however, has not yet said a word at school. I feel there must be something we can do to help him, but I don’t know where to turn. The school has offered very little in terms of support or suggestions for a plan of action. I’m worried that Evan will fall behind academically because of his social phobia.
It breaks my heart to see him this way because I feel like he’s missing out on so much joy and connection. I don’t know what to do or how to help him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Jonathan Responds:
One of the keys for parents of selectively mute children is the need to manage (their own) stress and emotions on the journey to discovery and healing. It is imperative to develop realistic expectations. It is crucial that you understand and manage your own anxieties.After the parents make substantial progress with non-enabling, facilitating the childrens’ attachment to, and identification of, emotions and thoughts, integrating the therapeutic approach into the school is possible.Expecting the school to know how to therapeutically manage the sm child is, in most cases, an unrealistic expectation.Premature strategies in school will result in a fragented approach of “accomodation”, which may negotiate academic issues (in the short term), but inhibit the mental health and emotional healing of the child (in the long term). The ternm “accomodation” (as in a 504 plan) really needs to be understood. It’s not a simple process.Parents need to learn how to advocate with the school. It takes some sustained hard work.
