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A collection of questions and sharing by our readership community about a wide variety of aspects of social anxiety. Dive in and receive practical insights and advice.

QUESTION BY:

Anonymous

Wife and Mother of a Selective Mutism Person

  • My 5-year-old shows all the signs of selective mutism (SM). We have an IEP meeting next week, and I’m concerned because the special education teacher will be present. My son is in an extremely large class with two teachers, both of whom recognize that he’s smart. I’ve already sent them a handout from Wikipedia on interventions used for SM. Additionally, my husband shows signs of social anxiety. He’s not fully on board with our son’s diagnosis—which I have come to believe is accurate. My husband has learned to interact one-on-one fairly well but rarely initiates social interaction and, in my opinion, avoids situations involving new people. He even experiences anxiety about eating in front of others. He has gained some weight and avoids going to church because he fears people will judge him for it. Several of his family members, in my opinion, also show signs of SM or social anxiety. Lastly, our nearly 3-year-old is starting to show some anxiety symptoms as well—twirling hair to the point that it falls out, being clingy, etc. However, he does interact with other kids, though cautiously. How can I best advocate for my 5-year-old during the IEP process, and how can I get my husband to accept and support the diagnosis? I’m trying to support all of them, but I feel stuck without his understanding and involvement.

Jonathan Responds:

  • Regarding your son; it is important that you understand the difference between constructive and non-constructive accommodation at school. In other words, is the objective to just “accomodate” the SM which is classified as a “hidden handicap” and therfore eligible for a 504 plan, or is the objective to facilitate mental health and the child’s potential. It’s complicated. If the latter, it is imperative that parents, as the primary caregivers, learn and put into effect an empowering and non-enabling strategy before the school is able to do so. Regarding your husband; this is a the typical roadblock that prevents families from getting help. His denial will worsen your son’s avoidant pathology if he just waits for him to grow out of the problem. Re:”How can you get your husband on board”…by educating him, making a power play, or finding a magician. Why don’t you invite him to listen to the relevant interviews in our Clinical Interviews Library.  Maybe he would respect the input of a professional baseball player who went through the healing process with his daughter at the free seminar.
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